When parents talk bollocks and newborns are as ugly as malaria !

The centre at the favela is looking old and dirty so thanks to an amazing lady from Brasil with a heart as huge as her country who bought the paint ,I start and complete my masterpiece. Nobody wants to come and spend the week-end painting in the favela with myself so I find myself alone .Well to say alone is not entirely true. A young man lives in one part of the building and he is always listening to Bruno Mars singing the lazy song and its so appropriate for this man who probably spends the whole day with his hands inside his pants and drinking anything in a can. I have to hide the white spirit cause I'm afraid that he will drink that too and I won't be able to remove the paint from my toe nails ! The phone keeps ringing and I feel like a damn personal assistant. A lady called Gina rings 4 times but after knocking the door of this fella for 20 minutes and no getting anywhere I tell Gina that he's gone and I mean literally gone!

before the makeover

After the makeover

The music in the favela is so loud that people in Russia can hear the fricking tracks ! I can't find a stick to stir and mix the paint so I have to use the walking stick of an old man laying down on a wall/bench with a wooden leg who's too pissed to remember where he left his leg , let alone the stick.  I paint the walls inside, the floor, the windows and doors and finally go to paint the exterior of my charity. As I'm painting the building, one of my kids showes up with a glass of milk the size of those plastic cans people keep in their car in case they run out of gasoline. Good for your bones I say to him while planting a kiss on his head. Yes Lela and daddy says that if I drink lots of milk, I will be tall like him. Twenty minutes later a man no taller than 1 metre comes to pick him up and I hear myself saying, forget the milk mi amor, plant fertilizer is what you need to drink !






Lela and her little helper

 After my painting session , I decide to take the bus to largo do machado to buy some food from the supermarket but as I'm waiting at the bus stop, a lady with a new born is standing next to me. The kid is covered with a blanket and he is not just as ugly as malaria but he looks like a monkey from the new movie Rise of the planet of the apes. The mother smiles at me and moves the blanket to show me the ape and I'm like : oh Jerusalemmm ! please cover him again !
Don't get me wrong guys, I love kids but you know your kid is ugly when your little girl has moustaches like Tom Selleck at the age of 2 or your little boy can be left in the fields to scare the crows !
I have nothing against hairy people but I always think that women and kids look nicer when they have a smooth and velvet skin. I recall another episode in Buenos Aires when I took the bus and a lady with longer moustaches than Tom Selleck got in with twins as ugly as malaria. The bus driver said: twins ? Can't you see that ?!? she said annoyed at him. She went at the back of the bus and the driver said to me: those kids were scary and I  remember replying well with a mother like that, I knew they were twins cause no man would sleep with her twice !
As a woman I know it´s time to remove my moustaches or trim my sideburns when a group of horny girls stand outside my apartment screaming: OMG it´s Magnum PI or it´s Elvis Presley !
Bleaching moustaches should be banned as too many girls look like Hulk Hogan these days !!!!


Anyway after 8 hours painting and no food all day , as I'm going home after buying some fruit and veg, I end up chatting to a lady and her husband on the bus, they are visiting Rio and are from Spain  and when I tell them that I live out of a suitcase, they couldn't believe me so I had to send them the evidence !




living out of a suitcase ... literally !!!