are you sleeping ? No, I reply I'm playing hide and seek! You stupid idiot!!

Ok guys you must be thinking that I had sex in Machu Picchu with a bloke called Chuck Taylor but what I meant is that I did my 4 days Inca Trail wearing my green converse all star by Chuck Taylor.
By the end of the trail these were not green anymore and belieme when I say that these didn´t smell like Chanel no. 5.

Machu Picchu - one word: amazing !

On thursday morning at 5am , a guy from Peru´treks comes to Balazar to pick me up. When I get in the bus, I meet my group. We are 15 of us, 2 guides and 19 porters.
We drive to Ollantaytambo and have breakfast before starting our Inca trail. I meet John, VJ, Hedi, Hoy, Sonia and Andy ...
Its day one and we start walking, everyone is looking like a professional trekker , boots, poles, waterproof gear.
I´m wearing my converse, leggings, hat, nike green top and my topshop bag.
People think I´m going shopping rather than trekking for 4 days.

Lela starting her 4 days Inca trail

Day one is tough and I start walking with a blonde german girl who´s so strong that she can easily beat the bunny from the duracell advert. She is carrying a huge rucksack and I'm wondering if she is aware that the trek will only last 4 days rather than 4 months! She has inside her bag more stuff than a 3 bedroom house!
We share the tent together, the rest of the group is really cool. I like VJ, Hedi, Hoy, Sonia and Andy immediately. They are funny and lovely.
Our dinners, lunches and breakfast are a good laugh and it doesn't take long for me to come out of my shell and talk bullshit.

Day 2 is really tough and even though I think these Inca people were really smart, I think a couple of escalators would have helped the situation! There are thousands of steps to climb and its a torture . It doesn't stop raining and I have blisters the size of Pamela Anderson tits. I have all sort of aches and pains and by the end of day 2 I don't have the strenght even to fart. I need to ask someone if she/he can do that for me.

Its day 3 and once again we start walking at 6am, the landscape is beautiful but I cannot believe I paid 500 dollars to suffer ! It will be less painful hanging from the Big Ben using my pubic hair as a rope. We walk for hours and hours and I'm surprised cause I reach the camp every day in second place .... but then walking with Ms Duracell is not a surprise !
Night number 3, our guide Victor give us a cake for all of us to celebrate. Tomorrow will finally reach Machu Picchu. I cannot wait as I'm sick of it. I have enough moss in my knickers to make 6 nativity scenes , 2 kilos of  mushrooms growing on the left side of my sleeping bag and my shoes are dirty and wet ! Its so humid around here. I get the honour to cut the cake for everybody and become the clown of the group. I do the speach to thank our guides and porters and they all laugh when I kiss them all on the cheeks.

It's day 4, we get up at 3:30am and we finally reach Mr Picchu. Its awesome and I'm dead. I can't believe I did survive the Inca Trail, the pain will disappear in a couple of days but the memories of these 4 days and the view of Machu Picchu will stay with me forever.

I did it !!!

We all meet for lunch at Allyo, I order trout with salad and french fries rather than pizza, visit the town of Machu Picchu with Kirsten and head back to the restaurant at 6pm. We catch the train at 7:20pm and 2 hours later we reach Ollanta where our bus is waiting for us to go back to Cusco. I reach my hostel at midnight, its raining heavily. As usual and I need to ring the bell 8 times before Señora Luisa comes down to open the door.This bloody old lady is as fast as a turtle, she is deaf and has the memory of a chicken. I take a quick wash and go to bed. At 5am I wake up cause I hear a noise from the big window on my roof. Two builders are removing the window and one of them asks me:  Hola senorita ,are you sleeping ? No, I reply I'm playing hide and seek! You stupid idiot!!

Señora Luisa is refurbishing the hostel and people in this place start working early, the new window is 50cm x 50cm but the hole in the roof is bigger than the ozone hole so they give up and leave me sleeping with a huge hole on top of my bed. I feel like I'm sleeping inside a volcano and I see the sky from the "crater".
I get up one hour later, take a hot shower , pack my bags and put all my dirty clothes inside a bag so I can find a laundry before I leave Cusco.
Señora Luisa asks me to pay the 2 nights again, I remind her that I did pay the nights in advance as she told me that she couldn't reserve the room if I didn't pay her in advance so I gently tell her to get 4 llamas, 3 stray dogs and fuck herself.
I leave the hostel and leave my dirty clothes with Maura, these will be clean and dry by 3pm.
I go to have a cappuccino in Panam, my favourite spot in Cusco and text Loris and Karen.
I'm relaxing in the courtyard before I collect my clothes. I skype a bit with my sister and my friend Emy. I collect my clothes and catch my bus from Cusco to Arequipa.
I hate travelling by bus, the trip will last over 10 hours and you gotta cross your legs for so long that when you stand up again, your genitals look like a damn squeeze box !
Time to fetch my suitcase from Intiwawa and head off to Santa Cruz in Bolivia. I still don't have a place to sleep and I've been told that Bolivia is 20 times worst than Peru'... Well looks I'm in for some more South American adventures :)