Peru' yabba dabba doo

It's 2011 and I'm ready to roll ! In less than 3 weeks I will be flying to Peru'.


One journey, one year, lots of destinations to reach, hundreds of kids and llamas to meet .... ok I will be alone, shitting my pants but curious, happy and determined to enjoy this journey and make a difference. This is my story, this is me: Lela and my incredible journey to South America.


As I do my shopping at Tesco, I add pampers nappies too cause let's be honest I had many shitty ideas in my life but this is probably the biggest one. Bigger than the waste 10 elephants can produce. I'm trying to organise everything before I go but as I'm so disorganised , I think it will be easier to find a virgin in a brothel or seeing John Prescott on the cover of men's health magazine. Now that's a disturbing thought ... I rather get shot in Guatemala than seeing the torso of Mr Prescott.


I'm still positive and as long as I don't miss the 250 flights I need to catch and I don't start arguing with the drugs lords , I should reach my destinations with all my organs intact. I'm not carrying fire arms with me but with all the beans I will be eating in South America, my ass will be a nuclear threat to Iran so watch out Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, I talk faster than a gun machine and the space under my armpits is big enough to store 10 rifles, 5 cannonballs, one tank and two white flags in case I need to surrender so they better not mess with me ! You must be wondering why 2 white flags, well its the same concept of having 2 parachutes . If you don't have a can of red bull with you and don't have wings, you better make yourself a good pair of DIY wings with the white flags and try to save your butt . 


I'm going to visit my parents for a couple of days and for unknown reasons to me my mother has booked an appointment so I can get my hair done. Ok I like to look nice but I must confess, I'm a bit puzzled as I'm not going to Beverly Hills ! Motherrrrrrr I said South America not United States of America.


I finally get it. They are planning my funeral and they want to make sure that all our relatives get a picture of me looking shit hot rather than a transvestite.


Typical italians, so vain ! Somehow I'm glad the guillotine was a method of execution in France because if this was used in Italy, I can imagine the men putting some gel on their hair and the ladies putting some hair rollers to increase the volume of their hair before being executed!
Now the CEO of Garnier or L'Oreal will be laughing on their way to the bank cause the sales will go through the roof but let's be practical here, the blades could get rusty or chipped because the quiffs will be wet and harder than diamonds !