ls Mr Patel having an orgasm? No, it's a real llama !!!

I call my parents and tell them that I will be leaving London after 17 years and start my adventure in South America. 7different countries and 7 different charities to help and I will be riding "solo" and I don't mean the Chinese bloke in my office that they all call Solo, I'm going there alone . My parents start swearing in languages that they don't even speak. I think South America is a continent that will change me - my state of mind, my outlook on life. As soon as I will step foot on South American soil, the transformation will begin ..... I have no doubts.


My parents and some friends think that the brain damage I had when I was young is more serious than they initially thought. I'm not Mother Teresa and I could never be her and that's not just cause she didn't match her tea towel with her shoes but because she was a great woman and I'm just an ordinary girl !




My father starts watching TV programmes about South America and tries to put me off on a daily basis.


The first time we chat about my project, he says : Lela, do you know that 10 passengers plus the bus driver were shot in Guatemala and you know why ? Without thinking twice, I say:  Dad, I know the reason ! They didn't have a travelcard !!! My dad is furious and screams so loud noooo ! they are fu**ing brutal and I'm now really worried. I'm not worried because they are brutal but because he screamed so loud that I think everyone in Guatemala knows that I'm coming.


Meanwhile my mother tries to stay more positive which is quite strange as she's usually that one who's more pessimistic and manages to say : well if they start shooting while you are there, take your iphone out and call us and I hear my dad in the background saying  ... well your daughter will probably shouts at the drugs lords something like : excuse meeeee , can you keep it down ! I'm on the phone !!!


I understand how they feel, they love me and they are worried for my safety and they probably regret the day I started watching Macgyver , the american action-adventure television series where Macgyver was the intelligent, optimistic, laid-back, resourceful secret agent who prefers a non-violent resolution to fighting where possible, and refuses to use a gun. Like Macgyver, I'm against fire arms and I'm pretty sure that if I see a magnum and I don't mean the ice cream, I will be running faster than Usain Bolt and the only thing I will be carrying is my own feces !


I manage to secure a place in each country and in less than two weeks, I have a place in Peru', Bolivia, Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Guatemala and Mexico.
I'm really scared but really excited too.I don't know anybody there, the crime and poverty make you lose you hair and pubic hair too. I'm trading my half million pound house in London to leave in  "favelas" shantytowns and won't have an income for the first time since I left school ! This project is insane but I wanna make a difference to someone's life and I think it's worth the risk ....  


Some friends suggest to blend with the locals and I'm sure with my donkey skin, I will be darker than them two weeks later but my accent and my pepperoni pizza face will give me away in less than 5 seconds so I decide to stop planning and take life as it comes and embrace what life has in store for me.




Lela giving a big hug to her twin sister

I imagine a group of llama in Peru' waiting in Machu Picchu for me , spitting as usual like Mr Patel, kicking but winking at me as they finally found their lost sister ... myself. I hear an "orgle" which is the mating sound of a llama or apalca made by the sexually aroused male and for a minute I wonder if Mr Patel left London too and he's in Peru' with me !