Uncle Aldo is single again

Uncle Aldo was not the most attractive man on the planet. In fact, he was as attractive as a stalk of celery.

Let's put it this way, it would  have been much easier to see the Pope becoming a stripper than finding uncle Aldo having intercourse with a woman unless he paid for it. The number of stray dogs in the village had increased by 50% and it was not the time of the year when irresponsible and sick in the head people went on holiday and abandoned their beloved pet, he was uncle getting the bitches pregnant and I don't mean real bitches, I mean dogs !

From a young age, he was a strange man.
Once he went on a TV show like the American Idol and sang his lungs out, the audience would throw flowers if he was good and bricks if he was crap, by the time he finished singing he had managed to collect enough bricks to build 3 flipping hospitals !


He tried to convince my sister that they could sing together as if they were Cher and Sonny but although I was very young , I remember saying to my sister : it will be less embarrassing having a sex tape on the net or going to the ER to remove the Brazilian nut stuck inside your vagina when you were attempting to crack it with you labia minor and labia majora sis !


At the end she decided to go Solo and my uncle put his music career on hold and decided to use those bricks to make an extension at nana's house.

Nana was living with uncle as Grandpa died. Grandpa was having sex with nana when he had a heart attack and basically he came and went. I mean what a better way to die ! when I hear people saying I'm dying for a shag  , I think of grandpa and nana who used to say that she was always naked when Grandpa was around so she was ready for some action. To think of your parents having sex is gross but to think about your grandparents well that's the reason why I'm seeing a shrink for the last 50 years !

My cousins and I had tried every thing to kill Nana, we pushed her down the stairs but she did bounce like a tennis ball, we tried to play hide-and-seek in the middle of the mountains but she found her way home . She was a tough cookie but eventually she died of natural causes aka my uncle Aldo.

I was in Madrid when Nana died and mother left a voice mail message, unfortunately I don't know where the hell she left the 20 minutes message cause I never got it. Maybe she rang Usain Bolt but one week later , my dad rang me as I was hanging around in the market and said :Lela, sadly nana left us ! my very first words were: finally someone bought her a single ticket to Afghanistan ! but dad was dead serious cause she was dead and said: she is now with grandpa.


I felt sorry but why is that when people die , they all become lovely even if they were not . Is it because we feel guilty to say what we really think of them ? is it a sign of respect or just hypocrisy? I loved my grandparents but to say that were loving and affectionate towards my sisters and I would be a lie. My last memory of grandpa was in the fields with my cousins picking tomatoes, we were playing around and tossing each other smelly tomatoes until grandpa got upset and left us walking home until we had blisters on our feet the size of Jordan's tits ! Once again he came and he went .... home without us though !